free falling again

Will power and the infinite darkness: the perpetual images burnt into my mind. You cannot see the path ahead, but you trust that it is there and press on. Your waltz down the path is dependent on that trust. How many times has faith failed you? Me, I cannot count anymore. It is apparent at times that this gives me strength, other times insanity. I'm always pushing sometimes too hard, sometimes not at all. I am in a constant state of sickness and the antidote for these depths into infinity is to only dig further. To really see what lay upon the other side. Or really, to see if you have what it takes to get there. It is the journey that matters, right? Are there those who do not venture to make the journey? Are they happy in their sublime bliss? Are their depths less than mine? Maybe we all find it in our way. Somehow I feel very alone in all of these transformations, from insanity to clarity and back again. I'm thankful I have eyes to see and a heart to hear, because otherwise I feel I would be lost forever. My intuition tells me that many people will always be lost. Most people in fact. If reincarnation were fact it might explain the exponential population growth (because science is irrelevant right now in my world). Too many souls refuse to see the path so they all keep coming back again and again??? Madness? Maybe probably. That statement feels esoteric in nature, as if I have something everyone else does not. In the words of The Great Dr. Orpheus, "I only know that I know nothing." These are just some thoughts I've had as of late.

So I am and will forever be perpetually ill. It is the human condition. My self awareness is my sanctity, but today I feel, that is where it ends. The problem with self betterment is never feeling good enough. Who will love the girl who may never get well, when in fact she seems to be incapable of loving herself? I don't know if that is entirely true. I am growing on me. Surely there are things I admire. Then again, who knows how I will feel tomorrow. These words already feel a little foreign... soon enough they will be.