"We are all brothers and sisters on an amazing journey
through a constantly changing universe.
Sometimes we feel pain. Sometimes we are happy...
We are our own masters.
We create our own fate, our own heaven and our own hell.
We create by the use of our intention and free will.
Our human mind is always creating. Our mental environment is our own responsibility...
May we all meet again
free from suffering
and laugh together at the past."
Ines gave me a small book called Karma for Today's Traveler. It's a very short and eloquent book by a Thereveda Buddhist that nearly had me converted by the end. It broke down the concept of Karma very literally. It shows the reader where Karma comes from and how you can set in motion events before you are even born. I thought this a bit unfair at first, but after finishing the book I do not think I would contest that anything is unfair. I feel content with anything and everything. The lingering taste of meloncholy is still drifting in my cloud today. My attachment to it, however, is waning. Yesterday I heard someone talking about their lack of expectations and how it felt strangely like apathy, but it surely is not. They felt, and I too agree, that a lack of expectations is a desired state of mind and a blessing if you can achieve to arrive at this place. I wish I had more to do here sometimes. I struggle with this feeling of laziness. I get up, I take walks, I read books, I meditate, I shower I email friends, I work on new ideas to teach Estrella, I collect flowers. I try to stay busy. Maybe it is that I am doing these things alone that feels out of place. Maybe the fact that no one is watching me do these things makes me question whether or not I am even doing them. Maybe I am not as well adjusted to solitude as I thought. I know it is something I generally want, but maybe I'm still not used to it. Strange, that we can want something so badly, receive it and then be unprepared to handle it. Selfishness. Surely.
I don't really have anything else to say.
"The more she heard the less she spoke, the less she spoke the more she heard, Why can't we all be like that wise old bird?"
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Subterranean Homesick Alien Blues
I'm back. Sorry I haven't updated for a while. It's hard to share everything that is going here for me because this isn't a big sightseeing trip and most of the wonderful moments I am having are very personal and therefore difficult to share. Conversations with strangers, my host mother and an old friend are journal worthy, but not public blog worth. ¿Entiendes?
Germany was amazing. I could not have asked for a better time. I hadn't seen my friend Ines in 6 years so it was hard to know what to expect from our time together. The last time we saw each other she came to visit me in California and I was not in the best of places. I had told her via email that I was sober and that my life had changed dramatically from the last time I had seen her. She has traveled a great bit since the last time I saw her and has also experienced many changes. So I think that neither one of us had any idea of what to expect. When I arrived in Berlin and saw Ines waiting for me at the gate I welled up with tears. We were so close in high school and it was really heartwarming to see her face again. It reminded me of how I was when I first lived in Texas: confused and young, but still a better version of the years to come.
I am really tired today and very homesick. I know this sounds strange, but I miss my Peugeot most of all. She is like my best friend. I've made a lot of sober friends here in Madrid which has been amazing. I went out some this weekend for the first time in this city and had a really great time dancing. I keep leaving my camera at home so I haven't very many photos of Madrid, but I promise I will take some more soon. In the mean time here are photos of Germany:
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Germany was amazing. I could not have asked for a better time. I hadn't seen my friend Ines in 6 years so it was hard to know what to expect from our time together. The last time we saw each other she came to visit me in California and I was not in the best of places. I had told her via email that I was sober and that my life had changed dramatically from the last time I had seen her. She has traveled a great bit since the last time I saw her and has also experienced many changes. So I think that neither one of us had any idea of what to expect. When I arrived in Berlin and saw Ines waiting for me at the gate I welled up with tears. We were so close in high school and it was really heartwarming to see her face again. It reminded me of how I was when I first lived in Texas: confused and young, but still a better version of the years to come.
I am really tired today and very homesick. I know this sounds strange, but I miss my Peugeot most of all. She is like my best friend. I've made a lot of sober friends here in Madrid which has been amazing. I went out some this weekend for the first time in this city and had a really great time dancing. I keep leaving my camera at home so I haven't very many photos of Madrid, but I promise I will take some more soon. In the mean time here are photos of Germany:
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Days 3, 4 and 5
So it´s been a few days. I haven´t written anything, because frankly nothing super exciting has happened. It´s been pretty normal life here in Spain, which is exactly what I wanted to see. I got super lost on the metros last night, well not so much lost as missed my last train and had to head back into the city to take a bus home. I called Carmen, my host mother, and she was very helpful in giving me directions to the bus station. When I got off my train and got to the bus station she was there waiting for me, unexpectedly. She had a good laugh at my expense. I really like this woman. I´m looking for the hidden treasures of this city. Wandering around it is easy to find the tourist sites without any previous knowledge or much research about the city. I ended up at Plaça del Sol a couple of days ago which is a huge shopping area in beautiful old buildings. I went into H&M for the first time and looked for some wild European shoes. Didn´t really find anything. Actually H&M was a little unimpressive. I´ve found a Spanish thrift store on the internet that I am going to today. It is called Humana. Also there are a couple other vintage stores and record stores I´m going to check out in the Malasaña district.
This used to be where all the goths hung out in the 70´s and 80´s. Now, I doubt there is much counter culture there. At least there should be some more wicked graffiti.
Estrella is very busy studying for her classes right now. When I try to speak to her in English she seems kind of lost and distracted. I told her I wasn´t trying to teach her anything new yet, I just wanted to practice with her. Carmen, asked me last night if I would want to spend the rest of summer with them in Valencia. Of course I would love to, but I have to get back to school. Being here really makes me want to finish my classes so I can move on with the rest of my life.
I´m leaving for Berlin this coming Saturday and will be gone for 6 days. I wish I had left sooner, because as it is I am in dire need of some companionship. The city is really beautiful and there are plenty of things to do, but after getting yourself lost in the museum or arts district, Paseo del Prado, for about 3 hours you kind of wish you could be sharing these adventures with someone. Or at least someone worthwhile. I´ve met a few people here whose company I´ve really enjoyed, but life gets in the way of itself and most of these people have jobs or families: normal lives to attend to. It´s hard to connect with people at a fifteen minute tea time. I´ve been reading a lot and meditating as well. So life is pretty great, just in a bit of a lull for now. Well, I hope everybody is great in the states. I feel like my blogs have turned a bit soft for now. Keep checking back and I´should have something exciting in a little while.
This used to be where all the goths hung out in the 70´s and 80´s. Now, I doubt there is much counter culture there. At least there should be some more wicked graffiti.
Estrella is very busy studying for her classes right now. When I try to speak to her in English she seems kind of lost and distracted. I told her I wasn´t trying to teach her anything new yet, I just wanted to practice with her. Carmen, asked me last night if I would want to spend the rest of summer with them in Valencia. Of course I would love to, but I have to get back to school. Being here really makes me want to finish my classes so I can move on with the rest of my life.
I´m leaving for Berlin this coming Saturday and will be gone for 6 days. I wish I had left sooner, because as it is I am in dire need of some companionship. The city is really beautiful and there are plenty of things to do, but after getting yourself lost in the museum or arts district, Paseo del Prado, for about 3 hours you kind of wish you could be sharing these adventures with someone. Or at least someone worthwhile. I´ve met a few people here whose company I´ve really enjoyed, but life gets in the way of itself and most of these people have jobs or families: normal lives to attend to. It´s hard to connect with people at a fifteen minute tea time. I´ve been reading a lot and meditating as well. So life is pretty great, just in a bit of a lull for now. Well, I hope everybody is great in the states. I feel like my blogs have turned a bit soft for now. Keep checking back and I´should have something exciting in a little while.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
La Policia, Day 2 Madrid
¡Things are looking up! I don´t think they were ever really looking down, but I was feeling very nervous about staying here with the family and how we would get along. The family I am living with has had many young women come stay with them over the years and so they are very much accustom to cultural differences and are very understanding. They like my tattoos and don´t mine me smoking cigarettes outside (two things I was very worried about). Also, Estrella (my student) is busy studying for exams until the 5th of June and so I am pretty much free to settle in and get to know life here until then. This is also perfect because I am leaving for Berlin this coming Saturday and will return on the 5th of June. In the meantime I can prepare my lesson plans and get to know Estrella´s level of English.
Last night Carmen, la madre, and I went to the theater with a couple from Argentina. The musical was a satire on a very famous opera here in Madrid. It was at a local theater here in the suburb of Rivas Vacia. The couple from Argentina were very nice. I understood them somewhat better than I understand Carmen because they do not speak with the Spanish lisp. I love the Spanish accent but it is tiring to listen to. I have to really listen intently to people when they speak, which is kind of a gift in itself, but it is difficult. I am constantly translating everything into English in my head. After a week or so of this I should start thinking in Spanish and (if I´m lucky) dreaming in spanish too. ¡Woo hoo! These are the most difficult days, the first few.
On our way home last night Carmen talked a lot about her friends and other immigrants to Spain and the difficulties they encounter. Apparently there are many immigrants in Spain, about half of the population actually. We talked about the economy some and about her now deceased husband. I asked Carmen where she worked and she kind of laughed. "Estoy la policia español." No way, for real?? I was totally in shock. She has worked for the Spanish police since 1970. She used to work in the field but now she works at a desk. This woman is totally amazing. I wish you all could see the relationship she has with her daughters (there are two others whom do not live here). Maybe because I come from a broken home it is more amazing to me. Carmen is a rock for her family. They are all so close. A piece of me is jealous. I am glad this is my family too if only for a month and a half. As we pulled into the drive I asked her if it were permissable to smoke in the garden. "Sí, espere no mariajuana?" No way, this lady just asked me totally seriously if I were going to smoke pot in her yard? No, I said "Solo tabac." I couldn´t stop laughing. I guess you had to be there, but it was pretty great.
I feel pretty silly taking pictures of everything here, but I will take some of the house soon. I am hoping I can go into the city sometime this evening. Carmen has given me a curfew of eleven because this is when the metros stop running. Also, I think she is nervous about letting me travel about alone. Hopefully I can show her that I am intelligent enough to do so.
I hope you all are well in the states wherever you may be reading this from. ¡Ciao for now amigos!
Last night Carmen, la madre, and I went to the theater with a couple from Argentina. The musical was a satire on a very famous opera here in Madrid. It was at a local theater here in the suburb of Rivas Vacia. The couple from Argentina were very nice. I understood them somewhat better than I understand Carmen because they do not speak with the Spanish lisp. I love the Spanish accent but it is tiring to listen to. I have to really listen intently to people when they speak, which is kind of a gift in itself, but it is difficult. I am constantly translating everything into English in my head. After a week or so of this I should start thinking in Spanish and (if I´m lucky) dreaming in spanish too. ¡Woo hoo! These are the most difficult days, the first few.
On our way home last night Carmen talked a lot about her friends and other immigrants to Spain and the difficulties they encounter. Apparently there are many immigrants in Spain, about half of the population actually. We talked about the economy some and about her now deceased husband. I asked Carmen where she worked and she kind of laughed. "Estoy la policia español." No way, for real?? I was totally in shock. She has worked for the Spanish police since 1970. She used to work in the field but now she works at a desk. This woman is totally amazing. I wish you all could see the relationship she has with her daughters (there are two others whom do not live here). Maybe because I come from a broken home it is more amazing to me. Carmen is a rock for her family. They are all so close. A piece of me is jealous. I am glad this is my family too if only for a month and a half. As we pulled into the drive I asked her if it were permissable to smoke in the garden. "Sí, espere no mariajuana?" No way, this lady just asked me totally seriously if I were going to smoke pot in her yard? No, I said "Solo tabac." I couldn´t stop laughing. I guess you had to be there, but it was pretty great.
I feel pretty silly taking pictures of everything here, but I will take some of the house soon. I am hoping I can go into the city sometime this evening. Carmen has given me a curfew of eleven because this is when the metros stop running. Also, I think she is nervous about letting me travel about alone. Hopefully I can show her that I am intelligent enough to do so.
I hope you all are well in the states wherever you may be reading this from. ¡Ciao for now amigos!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Epiphany!
I just realized that I have invited many people to read this blog and have not explained the title of my blog to you, the reader. The Communist Daughter is a song by a band called Neutral Milk Hotel and really has nothing to do with communism and everything to do with the life and attitude of a girl growing up in a communist country. Please do not take offense to this title. I am not a supporter of communism.
Ok, phew now that that is cleared up we can continue...
Ok, phew now that that is cleared up we can continue...
Madrid, Day 1
I flew in from Barcelona yesterday. Today is my first full day in Madrid. The family I am staying with consists of two people, a mother and a daughter. Carmen es la madre and Estrella es la hija. Estrella is 16. The language barrier is somewhat difficult, because although I speak a lot of Spanish, there are many things I do not understand and the people here speak extremely fast.
My last night in Barcelona was absolutely amazing. I hung out with a group of like 15 kids from all over Europe and the States whom were working as club and bar promoters to stay afloat. We walked all around Las Ramblas until about 6am when the metro reopened and I could catch a ride back home. I wish I could have stayed in Barcelona longer to get to know these kids more. They were amazing and definitely my favorite part of Spain thus far.
I fell asleep at like 7pm and slept until about 7am this morning. Too much sleep. I feel kind of strange now and I have to get into the groove of Madrid. It is much easier in Barcelona because it is smaller and everything flows into itself. The metro is more simple and being on my own I could do whatever I wanted when I wanted. Now I am under the roof of Carmen and I have to respect her home and her wishes. She is at work right now. I imgaine we will talk about rules and expectations when she returns. I am really nervous today because I am afraid that I will not live up to the expectations of the family. I have to start working on my lesson plan and I´m not really sure where to begin because I do not know what Estrella´s level of English is. I guess this is the challenge, right? I feel like a little kid again. I forgot about all my responsibilities for a few days having fun in Barcelona. I forgot why I was here. Although I had an amazing time my last couple nights before coming to Madrid, I think it is best if I forget it now so that I can press on and do what is needed of me. What a hard thing to forget.
My last night in Barcelona was absolutely amazing. I hung out with a group of like 15 kids from all over Europe and the States whom were working as club and bar promoters to stay afloat. We walked all around Las Ramblas until about 6am when the metro reopened and I could catch a ride back home. I wish I could have stayed in Barcelona longer to get to know these kids more. They were amazing and definitely my favorite part of Spain thus far.
I fell asleep at like 7pm and slept until about 7am this morning. Too much sleep. I feel kind of strange now and I have to get into the groove of Madrid. It is much easier in Barcelona because it is smaller and everything flows into itself. The metro is more simple and being on my own I could do whatever I wanted when I wanted. Now I am under the roof of Carmen and I have to respect her home and her wishes. She is at work right now. I imgaine we will talk about rules and expectations when she returns. I am really nervous today because I am afraid that I will not live up to the expectations of the family. I have to start working on my lesson plan and I´m not really sure where to begin because I do not know what Estrella´s level of English is. I guess this is the challenge, right? I feel like a little kid again. I forgot about all my responsibilities for a few days having fun in Barcelona. I forgot why I was here. Although I had an amazing time my last couple nights before coming to Madrid, I think it is best if I forget it now so that I can press on and do what is needed of me. What a hard thing to forget.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Day 2, Sagrada Familia
Hola Chicos y Chicas. This is going to be kind of short today. Yesterday was exhausting. I really thought I as going to expel jetlag by some mental force. I figured I hardly sleep much as it is and my diet back home consists of a steady stream of energy drinks and cigarettes, so if I just keep up the pattern I ought to be great, right? As I discovered yesterday at about 5pm yesterday, my body is totally confused and my brain has little power to control. It is a little difficult to maintain a positive mood when you feel this way, but it is difficult to not be totally stoked when you're chillin in BCN.
Yesterday we went to a flea market called Els Encants east of the city, Pl de les Glories Catalanes. It was pretty rad, except that we woke up pretty late and missed a lot of the vendors. After that we went walked around the Sagrada Familia, which is a cathedral built by the famous architect Gaudi. He died in 1926 and was unable to finish the project. It's expected completion is 2030. It is totally amazing.
After that we went to the Parc Ciutatella and then walked round Las Ramblas. I went to hang out with some friends of Bill for about an hour and then afterwards Leon and I went home. We had wanted to go out dancing, but by the time 9pm rolled around we were exhausted.
I am having some trouble posting photos today. If you can, here is a link to my facebook album from Spain and the last few days in Denton. Hopefully everyone can see it:
Conoceme
Hope you all are having amazing days in the states!! Ciao.
Yesterday we went to a flea market called Els Encants east of the city, Pl de les Glories Catalanes. It was pretty rad, except that we woke up pretty late and missed a lot of the vendors. After that we went walked around the Sagrada Familia, which is a cathedral built by the famous architect Gaudi. He died in 1926 and was unable to finish the project. It's expected completion is 2030. It is totally amazing.
After that we went to the Parc Ciutatella and then walked round Las Ramblas. I went to hang out with some friends of Bill for about an hour and then afterwards Leon and I went home. We had wanted to go out dancing, but by the time 9pm rolled around we were exhausted.
I am having some trouble posting photos today. If you can, here is a link to my facebook album from Spain and the last few days in Denton. Hopefully everyone can see it:
Conoceme
Hope you all are having amazing days in the states!! Ciao.
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